What to Say When Someone Tells You They’re Being Abused
There are moments in life that don’t come with a script.
This is one of them.
When someone tells you they’re being abused, they’re not just sharing information. They’re taking a risk. They’re testing whether the world on the other side of their words is safer than the one they’ve been living in.
At Break the Silence Alabama, we believe that what happens after someone discloses can shape their sense of safety just as much as what happened before. The way a story is received can either widen the door to support… or quietly close it.
This isn’t about saying everything perfectly. It’s about showing up in a way that doesn’t make someone feel smaller, rushed, doubted, or alone.
Below is a simple guide you can return to if someone in your life ever says, “Something isn’t right in my relationship,” or “I don’t feel safe.”
First, Take a Breath
Your nervous system matters here, too.
It’s natural to feel a rush of emotions: anger, fear, urgency, the impulse to fix or confront or protect. Before you respond, give yourself a moment to ground. The calmer and steadier you are, the safer the space becomes for the person in front of you.
You don’t have to create a plan immediately.
You just need presence.
What It Helps to Say
These phrases don’t solve the situation. They do something just as important: they let the person know they’re not alone in it.
“I’m really glad you told me.”
This acknowledges the courage it takes to speak.
“I believe you.”
For many survivors, this is the sentence they’ve been waiting to hear.
“You don’t deserve to be treated this way.”
This gently counters the self-blame that often comes with abuse.
“You get to decide what happens next.”
This restores a sense of choice and agency.
“I’m here with you, whatever you need.”
This communicates support without pressure.
You don’t have to say all of these. One sincere, steady sentence can be enough to change how safe someone feels in that moment.
What Tends to Shut People Down
Even well-intended words can sometimes land as judgment, doubt, or urgency.
Here are a few common responses that often make people pull back instead of open up:
“Why don’t you just leave?”
Leaving is rarely simple, and this can feel like a dismissal of everything that makes it complicated.
“Are you sure it’s that bad?”
This can sound like doubt, even if it’s meant as curiosity.
“I would never let someone treat me like that.”
This can unintentionally place blame back on the person who’s already hurting.
“You need to report this right now.”
Safety planning is important, but taking away choice can increase fear rather than reduce it.
The goal isn’t to avoid mistakes. It’s to stay curious, kind, and attuned to how your words might land.
If You Want to Help Without Taking Over
Support doesn’t have to mean becoming someone’s only lifeline.
You can gently offer resources while still honoring their pace and autonomy:
“Would it be helpful if I found some local support options for you?”
“There are people who do this kind of support every day. If you ever want, I can help you connect with them.”
“We don’t have to figure everything out today.”
Sometimes the most stabilizing thing you can offer is consistency — checking in, remembering details they’ve shared, and being someone who doesn’t disappear after the first hard conversation.
A Quiet Truth We Hold at Break the Silence Alabama
Breaking the silence isn’t about being loud.
It’s about being safe.
It’s about building a culture where survivors are believed, supported, and not asked to carry the weight of their stories by themselves.
If you’re reading this because someone trusted you with something tender, thank you for caring enough to learn how to hold that trust well.
And if you’re reading this because you are living inside a story that feels heavy or confusing, you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Find Support in Alabama
If you or someone you know is looking for local, survivor-centered resources, we’re building a growing network of support across the state.
You can learn more about our work, community spaces, and current programs at:
At Break the Silence Alabama, our mission is simple: turn silence into connection, and connection into change.
If You’re in Crisis or Immediate Danger
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call 911.
For 24/7 support, safety planning, or just someone to talk to, you can reach:
National Domestic Violence Hotline (24/7)
Call: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
TTY: 1-800-787-3224
Text: START to 88788
Website chat available
StrongHearts Native Helpline (24/7)
Call: 1-844-762-8483
Text: NATIVE to 844-762-8483
If you’re outside the U.S., your local emergency number or a regional crisis line can help connect you to support in your area.
