What Is Coercive Control? The Abuse You Can’t Always See

When we talk about domestic violence, most people think of physical violence. But some of the most damaging abuse doesn’t leave visible marks. Coercive control is a pattern of manipulation, intimidation, and domination that chips away at a person’s freedom, identity, and safety — often long before (or without) any physical violence.

And the worst part? It’s easy to miss — even for the person living in it.

What Coercive Control Looks Like

Coercive control is about power and control, not love. It’s a slow burn that can show up in different ways, like:

• Isolating you from friends, family, or support systems

• Controlling your money, phone, or access to transportation

• Monitoring where you go, who you talk to, or what you post online

• Criticizing, shaming, or gaslighting you constantly

• Threatening you, your kids, pets, or reputation

• Making you feel like you’re always walking on eggshells

It’s not a “bad relationship.” It’s abuse — and it’s a tactic used to dominate someone’s life.

“Why Didn’t You Just Leave?”

Because coercive control makes that nearly impossible.

When someone’s self-esteem, resources, and sense of reality have been slowly worn down, leaving isn’t as simple as packing a bag. Survivors often fear retaliation, homelessness, losing custody of their children, or not being believed — all fears their abuser has planted and nurtured over time.

Why It Matters

Coercive control is a strong predictor of future physical violence and even homicide. Survivors in these relationships are often in extreme danger — even if there’s no history of physical abuse.

Recognizing the signs early can save lives.

Alabama Still Has Work to Do

Many states have started passing laws recognizing coercive control as a form of domestic abuse. Alabama isn’t there yet. But that doesn’t mean survivors here aren’t living it — or that they don’t deserve support, safety, and justice.

If This Sounds Familiar, You’re Not Alone

If you’ve experienced coercive control, it’s not your fault. You’re not crazy, overreacting, or too sensitive — you’ve been manipulated and worn down by design.

At Break the Silence Alabama, we believe you. We’re working to raise awareness about all forms of abuse, including the ones that stay hidden.

💜 You deserve safety. You deserve freedom. You deserve peace.

If you're ready for support, contact us or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE.